


What the Actual Heck

by welcome_mat



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Genre: M/M, Terrible writing, as far as I know I created this ship, crackfic, crackship, first time writing on here, probably out of character, these dudes are gay you can't change my mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:28:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24188938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/welcome_mat/pseuds/welcome_mat
Summary: gays? in my Ikana Village??? who'da thunkits the happy mask salesman and the poe collector. those are the gays. take it or leave it its incredibly stupid either way
Relationships: Happy Mask Salesman/Poe Collector
Kudos: 2





	What the Actual Heck

Link had done well. Despite being, what, 10 years old (?) he had managed to save the entire realm of Termina. Much more importantly though, he'd gotten back Majora's Mask.   
Now the Happy Mask Salesman's journey could begin again. No more being stuck in that stupid tower. Honestly, how long could anyone be expected to stay in there? The clock tower was insanely loud inside, it was enough to make anyone crazy. Course, the Happy Mask Salesman was crazy to begin with but that's not important.   
Right now, the Salesman was traveling through Ikana Canyon. He might as well explore the area before moving on. Sure, he was in a little bit of a hurry, but being stuck in a tower like some kind of Disney princess story for endless cycles of the same three days while the 10 year old went out and helped everything that breathed....well, let's just say the Happy Mask Salesman wanted to get some fresh air. And what better place to do that then the place full of dead people. Well, it wasn't full of dead people any more, thanks to that same 10 year old. Regardless.  
Ikana Village wasn't much of a village. Just one occupied house, and the Salesman definitely didn't want to have to go in there. Not like he'd be wanted, anyway. He didn't look exactly...trustworthy. It was pleasantly warm outside though, with a light breeze and the occasional crow trying to peck your face off. They were easily dealt with. The less easily dealt with thing was the feeling of being watched.  
The Happy Mask Salesman's 97% closed eyes surveyed the village, making note that the windows in the house were curtained and therefore no one was looking through there. It could be a Garo, but that didn't seem likely since Link had supposedly gotten rid of them all for the sake of getting their advice. What could it be, then? He opened his eyes a tiny bit wider so as to see a little better. There was a slight cliff behind him, rising up above him. Looking up to the top, he saw the cause of the prickling feeling on the back of his neck.   
The Poe Collector. They had met briefly once a long time ago and the Happy Mask Salesman had forgotten about him.   
But how could he have managed to forget that face? And why in the name of Din did it look...like that. Like it had some magic power to summon large winged insects into it's opponents insides. Which apparently had happened.   
The Happy Mask Salesman cleared his throat, which felt unnaturally tight. "May I help you?" he asked. The Poe Collector just swung his abnormally thin legs and tapped his stick against the ground where he sat. "Is there something I can do for you, or are you just going to keep staring." the Happy Mask Salesman said, wringing his hands like he always did.   
The Poe Collector still didn't say anything. "Stop staring at me, it's making me feel weird." the Salesman said, beginning to be annoyed.   
The Poe Collector finally came down, tapping his stick all the way. "Hmm, yes. There is something you can help me with." he said, his voice sounding raspy and dry. For reasons unknown that voice made shivers go down the Happy Mask Salesman's spine. Not unpleasant shivers though. Like anticipation shivers. Or something.   
"What is it?" he asked. The Poe Salesman considered him for a moment before speaking. "You may have noticed it's quite barren around here. There isn't anyone here except the little girl and her father and he isn't exactly good...material. You see, I've grown dependent on talking with people and seeing how this place is empty, I have become lonely."   
'Get to the point,' The Happy Mask Salesman thought in annoyance. What a curse talking to people was. "You're not like other people, are you. You're not norma- frick. I mean to say that- sh*t. Just go on a date with me you fricking moron." The Poe Collector said, clearly at the end of his rope and definitely not used to doing this.  
Well that was the least-expected thing for him to say. Might as well be unexpected too. "A date?" the Happy Mask Salesman asked, taken aback. "Yes. If you want. I don't care." The Poe Collector stated, making it clear he definitely cared. "All right. Where? Now?" The Happy Mask Salesman asked.   
The Poe Collector looked surprised at the answer. "Milk Bar. But after it's closed. Don't want anyone seeing." he said. The Salesman smiled, which was only normal, and nodded. "All right. It's a date."

**Author's Note:**

> this is a very stupid crackship that i wrote in one sitting without rewriting or revisions so its pretty bad  
> it'd be fantastic if other people jumped on this wacky little ship of mine lol


End file.
